he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
A+ Viking dick
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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