i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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