is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
