yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
