I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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