He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just cropdusted the office
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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