Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
