exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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