um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
