before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Randomize
