I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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