Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
