How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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