He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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