It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
