Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
