she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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