I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
