Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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