I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
