Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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