no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
