Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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