omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
