You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
