i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
