i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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