there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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