Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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