Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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