Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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