So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
