Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
