I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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