Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
