i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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