I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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