You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
