Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
