OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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