I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
