Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
