we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
