remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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