I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
