a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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