i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
