Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i think i have two assholes
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
