I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
my poor anus
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
