I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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