so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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