i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
